12 Step Recovery Jokes

AA & 12 STEP HUMOR

AA is so great because anyone with a desire can join - unlike AlAnon, where you have to know someone.

A scientist interrupts an AA meeting and exclaims, “I’ve just invented a cure for alcoholism! Just take one of these pills and you’ll never be an alcoholic again!”
An AA in the back raises his hand and asks, “What happens if you take two?”

AA is the biggest 'Lost and Found' department in the world.

AA is like an adjustable wrench. It fits every nut.

Is it coincidence that in the big book sex is discussed on page 69!!!!

Two AA’s are talking about what is going to happen to them after they die.
One believes in heaven, the other isn’t so sure so they agree a pact. The first one to die will come back as a ghost on the anniversary of their death and appear in front of the surviving one to prove whether or not there is an afterlife.
A few years pass and the first AA dies sober.
A year later, the surviving AA is sitting in a meeting and he feels a coldness in the air. He looks around and lo! Right next to him is the ghost of his late pal. He’s holding a harp, wearing a gold halo and has a couple of white feathered wings on his back.
The ghost turns to him and says, “I’ve got some good news and some bad news. The good news is there is a heaven. Bill and Bob are up there and they have AA meetings every week, you’ll love it. The bad news is you’re sharing next Tuesday.”

Did you know the game show JEOPARDY was invented by a newcomer?
Who else would start with all of the answers and none of the questions?

A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He saw a person on the ground and yelled down to him, “Can you help me? I don’t know where I am.”
The man replied, “Sure, I’ll help you. You are in a hot air balloon hovering 30 feet above the ground...between 40 and 41 degrees North latitude and between 59 & 60 degrees West longitude.”
“Wow, you must be an AA sponsor”, said the man in the balloon.
“I am”, said the man, “but what gave me away?”
“Well”, answered the balloonist, “everything you told me is technically right but I am still lost. Frankly you’re not much help at all and you might even have delayed my trip.”
“You must be an AA sponsee”, replied the man.
The man in the balloon was amazed and said, “I am, but how did you know?”
The man on the ground said, “Well, you don’t know where you are or where you’re going. You have risen to where you are due to a lot of hot air. You are expecting other people to solve your problems and the fact is that you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but, somehow now IT’S MY FAULT”!

A sponsor and his sponsee are deserted on an island.
They come upon a bottle. They rub it and a genie appears and says they each get one wish – whatever they want.
The sponsor says, “I wish I were back with my homegroup.” POOF! He disappears.
The sponsee paces nervously around, indecisive, anxious, nervous…
Should I ask for money? A woman? A nice boat?
Finally in exasperation he cries out, “I wish my sponsor was here!” POOF!

AA is the only place you can get change for a dollar.

How can you tell if an AA is on their second date?
The moving van in the driveway.

Why did the accountant do so well in AA? He was already a friend of bills.

Why aren’t people in recovery good dancers? Because they lose interest after twelve steps.

Why do children of recovering alcoholics have such big family reunions? They have twelve-step-parents.

Why did the anvil go to AA? He was always getting hammered.

After the AA meeting, the ghost finally admitted it.
He has a boos problem.






How many AlAnons does it take to screw in a lightlbulb?
None - they just detach and wait for it to screw itself.

How many AAers does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one but the bulb has to really want to change.

How many alcoholics does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Just one, he holds it up and the whole world revolves around him!



An alcoholic was stumbling along the beach when he kicks a lantern. A genie pops out and says, "You have three wishes."
Without missing a beat, the alcoholic says, "I want a bottomless liquor bottle that never runs out!'
POOF! The bottle appeared.
Then the Genie said, "You still have two more wishes."
The alcoholic thinks for a second and says, "I’d like two more just like this!


A woman calls her sponsor and says she's having trouble with in the sex relations department and needs some guidance.
Being a good sponsor that goes to the literature for answers, she instantly thinks of the sex inventory portion of Step 4 in the big book. She instructs the sponsee, "Read page 69 in your big book and I think you'll get some clarity."
Well, the sponsee agrees to do this but gets things a little mixed up, transposing the numbers and turning to page 96 instead. She eagerly reads to find the AA solution to her troubles with sex relations...
[this is where you read page 96 for the punchline]
"A girl has the hots for a guy in the rooms but he's not into her so she talks to her sponsor and asks what to do. Her sponsor, being a good sponsor tells the girl to read pg 69 (read it now).
" 69. Then we have the voices who cry for sex and more sex; who bewail the institution of marriage; who think that most of the troubles of the race are traceable to sex causes. They think we do not have enough of it, or that it isn’t the right kind. They see its significance everywhere. One school would allow man no flavor for his fare and the other would have us all on a straight pepper diet. We want to stay out of this controversy. We do not want to be the arbiter of anyone’s sex conduct. We all have sex problems. We’d hardly be human if we didn’t. What can we do about them?". And on and on it goes about sex/relationships but the girl mixes it up and reads pg 96 (read it now)
"96 Do not be discouraged if your prospect does not respond at once. Search out another alcoholic and try again. You are sure to find someone desperate enough to accept with eagerness what you offer. We find it a waste of time to keep chasing a man who cannot or will not work with you. If you leave such a person alone, he may soon become convinced that he cannot recover by himself. To spend too much time on any one situation is to deny some other alcoholic an opportunity to live and be happy. One of our Fellowship failed entirely with his first half dozen prospects. He often says that if he had continued to work on them, he might have deprived many others, who have since recovered, of their chance."


An Alcoholic mother and her son were at a beach; her boy was playing in the surf when a rip-tide carries him out to sea. She instantly starts praying for his safe return. A moment later, the heavens open up with a golden light, and her child is delivered to her, dropped gently onto the beach. She looks at him for a moment, then looks into the heavens, and yells: "HE HAD A HAT!"

“people who stop coming to meetings don’t get to hear about what happens to people who stop coming to meetings”

A member relapsed and ends up getting pulled over for a DUI. He goes to jail.
He’s so drunk, he’s puked on himself and wet himself as he just lays on the bench in jail.
His sponsor eventually comes to bail him out and asks, “Well, have you learned anything.?”
The guy responds, “Yeah, I gotta quit driving.”

My brother went to his AA meeting drunk. Then he tripped down the stairs. He’s been having lots of trouble with the steps lately.
My brother went to his AA meeting drunk, then he tripped down the stairs.
He’s been having lots of trouble with the steps lately.

Msly.

My wver.

I’may.

I’m 

An old-timer was sitting at a table waiting for meeting time. In comes a young kid with eyes wide opened with hair standing straight up and dyed many different colors, red, orange, green, blue etc.
The kid looked at the old-timer and the old-timer looked at hard at him.
He quickly turned away but felt the cold eyes of the old-timer staring holes thru the back of his head. He glanced back and saw the old-timer still staring. Again, he turned away. Finally, the young kid couldn’t take it anymore. He jumped up and screamed at the old-timer, “dang it old man, haven`t you ever got wasted and done sometime weird?”
“Sure!” the old-timer quietly proclaimed, “I got drunk and made love to a parrot once. I thought you must be my son!”