STEPS 6 & 7 MADE EASY
with tracker for up to 12 character flaws and an extensive list of 276 defects and assets
REMOVING CHARACTER DEFECTS
“The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become.”
Now that we have owned our garbage in Step 4 and made our confessions in Step 5, we move to the next phase of our addiction recovery.
By Step Six, we should have reached a spiritual state where we are aware of, and fully accept, our character defects. Step Six of AA’s Twelve Step recovery program is about removing what doesn’t work in our lives anymore. Truly working the Sixth Step can bring about significant change in our destructive thought patterns and behaviors that have long been with us.
If we are thorough and honest with ourselves, we have to admit that we sometimes actually revel in some of our character defects. Some of them feel good to us and we kind of enjoy them. Personally, I think we believe it’s because those defects get our needs met but in reality, it’s because we get more than our fair share which gives an addict some relief. We are excessive!
However, we saw in Step Four how we have harmed others as well as ourselves with our character defects. We were able to see patterns in our behavior and learned that if we wanted a successful and peaceful life, these defects must be removed.
For many of us, the sheer weight of some of our character defects can slow us down in our recovery or even stop it altogether not to mention put us at greater risk for relapse. We must make a firm decision to let go of the character defects that have been ruining our lives.
We’ve had these defects a very long time so the mere thought of change is naturally anxiety-provoking. As scary as the thought might be, however, we have to be willing to change. We have to let go of our reactions, turn the auto-pilot switch off, and learn to thoughtfully respond. This will be lifelong work.
With a clear head, think about some of the things you said or did that you’re not so proud of. Think about the times that you reacted rather than responded.
* In retrospect, what might have been a better way to handle an uncomfortable feeling or situation?
* If you had it to do again, what would you have said or done differently?
To be successful here, we need to allow help from outside of us because we already know that our own judgement can be so far off the mark. We have to trust in our Higher Power as we understand It. It is this Higher Power that has the ability and desire to help us remove our character flaws and replace them with assets.
with tracker for up to 12 character flaws and an extensive list of 276 defects and assets
In my Step 6 & 7 workbook, Into Action: The Art Of Swapping Character Defects For Character Assets, I include a grand list of 276 Character Defects & Their Opposite Character Assets.
As a side-note, I don’t really think that there are that many character defects floating around the the planet, let alone in the rooms, that list also includes some different terms that one might use for a single defect. Moving on…
For those who prefer to lay out their own character defects list, I have included on this page a list of the more common character defects. This list includes 77 character defects and their opposite character assets. You can also download the list in PDF to print out for your step work FOR FREE!
I personally find it easier to look for a character asset that I think I already possess or would like to have and then look at the opposite character defect. For that reason, this list will have the character asset(s) in the first column (in alphabetic order) and then the opposite character defects in the second.
| CHARACTER ASSETS | CHARACTER DEFECTS |
|---|---|
| Accepting | Condemning, Critical, Judgmental (critical of others), Projecting |
| Adequate | Inadequate |
| Agreeable, Unruffled, Easy-going, Good-humored, Laid-back | Complainer, Argumentative, Hypersensitive, Irritable, Obsessive (reckless and compulsive), Perverse (deliberately unreasonable), Quarrelsome |
| Approachable, Sociable | Avoidant |
| Assertive | Aggressive, Passive, Submissive, Timid |
| Attentive | Neglectful |
| Calm | Angry, Anxious, Fidgety (unable to sit or keep still), Ill-tempered, Rageful, Short-tempered, Uptight, Violent |
| Careful | Reckless |
| Caring | Careless, Indifferent, Uncaring (lacking consideration) |
| Cheerful | Grumpy (bad-tempered or irritable), Miserable (unhappy), Morose, Sullen |
| Civilized, Well-mannered | Target people to take things out on |
| Compassionate | Uncompassionate (cruel disregard for others) |
| Connected, involved | Detached |
| Consistent, Even-keeled | Contradictory, Erratic – unpredictable, unstable, unreliable), Inconsistent |
| Constructive | Destructive |
| Decisive | Hesitant (unable to make a decision), Indecisive, Wishy-washy |
| Dependable, Reliable | Flighty, Forgetful, Undependable, Unreliable |
| Disciplined | Undisciplined |
| Economical, Thrifty | Extravagant (lack restraint in spending), Wasteful |
| Empowering | Enabling |
| Enthusiastic | Apathetic, Jaded (bored or lacking enthusiasm) |
| Fair | Unfair, Unjust |
| Faithful | Cheat, Unfaithful |
| Fearless, confident, courageous, brave | Afraid, Apprehensive, Cowardice/cowardly, Defensive, Fearful, Jealous (envious or resentful), Paranoid (obsessively anxious), Shy |
| Flexible | Head-strong, Stubborn |
| Forgiving, Merciful | Resentful (bitter and indignation), Revengeful, Spiteful, Unforgiving (not ceasing anger and resentment), Vengeful (seeking revenge), Vindictive (desire for revenge) |
| Friendly | Aloof (not friendly or forthcoming), Belligerent, Cold, Jerk (being contemptibly foolish), Unfriendly |
| Generous | Avarice, Greedy (wanting more), Miserly, Petty –trivial, Stingy, Uncharitable –unkind, unsympathetic |
| Genuine, Sincere | Hypocritical, In-authentic, Insincere (expressing fake feelings), Unctuous (excessively flattering) |
| Grateful | Ungrateful |
| Helpful | Unsupportive |
| Honest | Deceitful (purposefully misleading), Devious (underhanded tactics), Dishonest, Lying, evasive, dishonest, Manipulative, Secretive (keeps things from others), Sneaky (going behind one’s back), Vague |
| Humane | Sadistic – enjoy causing pain |
| Humble | Arrogant (inflated sense of self), Boastful, Braggart, Know it all, Prideful, Self-importance, Self-righteous, Snob, Vain |
| Impartial | Favoritism, playing favorites |
| Independent, Self-sufficient | Codependent, Dependent |
| Jealous | Bitter, Covetous, Envious, Resentful |
| Kind | Asshole or Bitch, Callous, Cruel (inflicting suffering on others), Ill-disposed, Malicious (intending to harm others), Mean (unkind, spiteful), Unkind (inconsiderate and harsh), Venomous (full of malice or spite) |
| Loyal | Disloyal (changing allegiances), Cheat, Fickle (change loyalty fast and often), Treacherous (betrayal & deception) |
| Mature | Immature |
| Moderate | Excessive, Fanatical, Glutton, Indulgent |
| Modest | Conceited (excessively proud of self), Dramatic, Egotistical (thinking only of oneself), Exaggerating, Grandiose, Immodest, Pretentious |
| Moral, Principled | Immoral, Unprincipled (lack moral principles), Unscrupulous, Venal (susceptible to bribery) |
| Obedient, well behaved | Disobedient, Rebellious |
| Opened | Closed, Secretive (keeps things from others), Withdrawn |
| Open-minded | Closed-minded, Hidebound (unwilling to change), Narrow-minded, Opinionated, Skeptical |
| Optimistic, Positive | Cynical, Hopeless, Pessimistic (expecting the worst), Negative |
| Organized | Disorganized |
| Patient | Impatient – quickly irritated |
| Pleasant | Antagonistic, Bitter, Hostile, Obnoxious, Unpleasant |
| Polite | Coarse –Gross, Impolite, Insolent, Rude, Terse (abrupt and sparing in words), Vulgar |
| Productive, Industrious, Diligent | Indolent, Lackadaisical, Lack of follow-through, Lazy (unwilling to work), Shiftless |
| Profound | Shallow (value superficial things), Superficial |
| Punctual | Tardy –regularly late for things |
| Real, Natural | Fake, Dramatic, Masked |
| Realistic | Fantasizing, Unrealistic |
| Reasoning | Rationalizing – attempting to justify |
| Respectful | Contemptuous, Controlling, Disrespectful (disregarding one’s wishes for right treatment), Sarcastic |
| Responsible | Irresponsible, Self-excusing (excuses) |
| Restrained, close-mouthed | Gossiping |
| Robust | Brittle (hard but easily breakable), Weak (lacking resolution or strength) |
| Secure | Insecure |
| Self-accepting | Self-condemning, Self-loathing |
| Self-confidence | Self-defeating |
| Self-constructive | Self-destructive |
| Self-Controlled, Restrained | Compulsive, Impulsive, Lustful, Promiscuous, Rebellious, Self-indulgent |
| Selfless | Self-seeking |
| Sensible | Ridiculous – derision or mockery |
| Sensitive | Insensitive |
| Tactful | Crude, Tactless (no sensitivity to others) |
| Tasteful | Garish (unattractively showy), Repugnant (extremely distasteful), Vulgar |
| Thoughtful, Considerate | Inconsiderate, Selfish (lacks consideration), Self-absorbed, Self-centered, Thoughtless (lacking consideration) |
| Tolerant | Discrimination, Intolerant, Prejudiced |
| Trusting | Distrustful, Suspicious |
| Trustworthy | Untrustworthy |
| Truthful | Lying, Dishonest, Evasive, Vague |
| Unobtrusive | Busybody, Meddler |
